I Hear You

I'm pumped, I'm primed, I'm ready to get back hard at the exercise routine this fine, hot Monday morning. All weekend long I've entertained the joy of going to the racquetball area in my gym and dancing for and with Jesus. Can NOT wait! I'm up at 4:20 (yes, I snoozed in 5 minutes), dressed and out the door by 4:40, arriving at my work place just before 5:00 AM and head to they gym. SO EXCITED! Going down one floor in the elevator, tapping my toes, anticipating the work out and what to my wondering eyes does appear? A yellow caution tape across the open gym door and a sign saying that the pool and gym are closed until further notice. Okay, no matter, I'm heading to the racquetball area, surely that sign and warning won't affect what I intend to do this morning. Surely. And then I see that the lights in the racquetball room are on and there are cords all over the place and especially there. Oh no, please don't tell me...I look in the one window and see that there are at least four air blowers down there and it appears that maintenance is resurfacing the hard wood floor. It reminds me of my youth when the janitors resurfaced and lacquered the high school gym floor in the summer before school was to start. Dancing would not be my exercise routine today. Trying to stay optimistic I resolve to shower and head upstairs to exercise in the Word of God. I should have known my Father was orchestrating even this. I opened my devotional to today's scripture which is from Ephesians 4:29-31, which reads: "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, with whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Get rid of all bitterness, rage and anger, brawling and slander, along with every form of malice." ---OUCH---- I've always been challenged with controlling my tongue. In the past, and if I'm truthful, even today, whenever I witness any form of injustice to others or to myself I become instantly angry for that person being attacked, and although now I meet it with more silence than verbal reactions, my tongue has been known, in the distant past, to be quite caustic. Granted, over the years He has seasoned me well with His loving chastisement, but there is always room for improvement and He's showing me that today, even before my day begins. Hmmmm, must be needed today. I even have a sticky-note on my computere that says, "Take charge of your mind today! (I've crossed out the word "mind" and have rewritten it with the word "mouth". Okay, Father, I hear you. What is in the heart comes out of the mouth, I hear you. "As a man thinketh in his heart, so is he," (Proverbs 23:7) I hear you, I hear you. I so surrender my mouth, my thoughts and my heart to you this day. Well, let's slow it down to this hour and see how it goes. So far, so good. Of course at 7:15 AM there aren't too many people around so the mouth stays shut. May my heart be so right with you this day that the words I speak this morning will be helpful for building others up according to what they need, not what I think they need. As the Casting Crowns song says, "May the words I say, And the things I do, Make my lifesong sing, Bring a smile to You." In Jesus' Name. Okay, Father, here we go. I pray also that the excitement I experienced this weekend and even this morning, anticipating dancing with you, follow through in my obedience to your will to speak life to each person I meet. Exercise your will in me this day, in Jesus' name I pray.

Smile Through the Tears

My devotional this morning directed me to Psalm 91:15 - "He will call upon Me and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him." Psalm 91 is a special passage to me; it was one my first husband's favorite passages before he died with cancer, especially verses 1 and 2: "He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust.” And before I even realized it, I had written "2015-1990=25" in the top right hand corner of my notebook. Mike will have been gone 25 years this coming December 13th. Memories of the final 3 months of his life flood my mind, and I realize that my friend Mary died on the 13th as well, April 13th, 2015. My heart still aches over the loss of my Mike and the ache is renewed with the loss of my friend Mary. Immediately, I run to the lap of my heavenly Father and tell Him, "Some days, Father, I have trouble with my memories. I remember the happy times, but I can't ignore the ones that make me cry. You've taught me that crying is okay, crying is healing, crying helps to wash away the impurites of past memories. Crying is cleansing, as long as I don't keep stirring up the dirty water of pain and think that reliving the pain will make it go away." "Father, you tell me that when I need to cry You are with me and You will refresh me with your love and your Word. You tell me that You will deliver me from painful memories and give me deep breaths of pure, new life-giving experiences in which to make new memories. For that I am thankful and love you all the more. But for now, Daddy, my heart is welled up with tears. I miss my friend. Tomorrow is her funeral and I know I will cry some more." Still, I must remember the new memory you gave me just yesterday morning as I parked my car in my work's parking lot. On the radio one of Mary's most favorite songs began to play, "I Can Only Imagine," and the words of that song brought a vision of Mary to my mind. She doesn't have to "imagine what it will be like. When she walks by your side. She doesn't have to "only imagine what her eyes will see. When your face is before me(her)." She knows. And I see her jumping up and down, dancing in praise before Jesus, thrilled that her knees no longer hurt, her joints move freely and her blood sugars are a non-entity now! She and her body are free from all the constraints of this earthly life. She had the most beautiful smile, I can only imagine how beautiful is that smile now. Thank you for this. Mary is with her Jesus and I believe that if she could wipe away the veil between heaven and earth right now she'd say, "This is AWESOME! You've got to see what I see! There He is, Jesus! Hurry up and get here!" She would raise her arms in praise, shake her hands in joy and smile her great big smile, her eyes on her Lord. Yes, I do miss them both, but I will see them again and for that I can smile through the tears.