The Cost of Forgiveness

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depends on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge... One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that you O God, are strong and that you, O God, are loving." (Psalm 62: 5-7, 11-12, NIV) In Joyce Meyer's devotion this morning she spoke about prayer and how it releases the power of almighty God into our daily lives; how it can move the hand of God. Simple, believing prayer. So, okay Father, here goes. You know how I enjoy or visits. They are uniquely ours and I cherish them. You know that, and I feel you smile. We started this conversation yesterday morning and you've brought it up again so I must go there. My work key wouldn't open the gym door this morning, some connection within it is broken and entry was denied. That's how I'm feeling lately, that some connection between me and you is locking me out of, or gaining access to your heart, and I don't have the know how to fix the key. I love our chats, I miss our chats. What am I dong wrong? Show me my sin, that I might confess it and our relationship be restored. "Unforgiveness, daughter." Towards whom? "You know towards whom. Your boss. certain members of your family. Nick. Yourself. Me. Each in a different way and to different degrees, but you know it's there." Oh. "You willingly chose this journey to liveliving. This is part of it, part of your growth. Forgive them." But Father. you know my heart. They hurt me, the child in me. "I forgave you and you killed my Son." Oh. Do I have to "love" them? "Let Me do that part. You just forgive." They will hurt me again. Not forgiving them protects the child in me. It keeps them at a distance. "Yes, but it also locks the door to the growth in our relationship. You don't want that either. Remember, all this brings us full circle to your original question. You want the key to our relationship fixed? Forgive." Okay, so if I forgive... "No conditions daughter, no restrictions. Forgive." That's hard Father. Can't I just jab them a little? "For what? Will that restore your relationshp with them? Jabbing them...a little?" No. "From your heart daughter. Go into another room, shut the door, get on your knees and give them to Me. For Jesus' sake." For Jesus' sake, Father? "Why do you think he willingly died on the cross for you? Just to please me? No, he went through all he did on the cross so that the relationship between me and you could be restored. He paid the ultimate price of forgiveness. Isn't your forgiveness worth it, for Him?" Yes, Father. Thank you. "Give them to Me. Forgive."

Lift Up Your Knees and Run! (Early writings)

I was looking through my journal this morning and re-read some of them. I'll put some of them here for your encouragement. This one was written February 7th, 2015. "Lift up your knees and run, Lift up your knees and run. A new thing He's starting, He's only begun, So lift up your knees and RUN!! Psalm 119:105 - "Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light for my path." In order to obey your instructions I must believe your "instructions" are true and they are true in my life today. Do I believe your word will shed light up on my walk with you? Will it encourage me as I go? Do I believe it will illuminate my knowledge and understanding of the direction you want me to go? Will it surround my walk with the glory of your presence? Fill me with a peace that the direction I'm going is right and right with you? Do I BELIEVE that? It's true whether I believe it or not, but when I believe it's true for me now, i will step forward into that truth. 02/12/15 Tummy Cheer Your tummy's got that ring of fat, The time of sitting has got to stop, So suck it in and pull it up, Suck it in and pull it up. When you're jogging and feel it flop, Just suck it in and pull it up. Suck it in, pull it up, Suck it in, pull it up. Before you know it, it'll stop, So suck it in, pull it up, Suck it in, pull it UP! Okay, so it's not the most spiritual cheer, but at the time it motivated me to focus, and it gave me a chuckle and encouragement to enjoy the journey. 02/14/15 Psalm 33:20-22 - "We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, Lord, even as we put our hope in you." Wow. Thank you father. I know your eyes are on me and your plan and purpose for me will stand firm. You love me with an unfailing love. In you I can not fail. Wow. Thank you. I bought that figurine today. The one I've been looking at for the past year at the second hand store. It stands about 6 inches tall, is white and depicts Jesus as a carpenter with tools at his side and a tool box in His hand. Today is Valentine's day and my birthday is a couple days away. I didn't care about the cost ($7.50), it's been mine since I first saw it. I don't know where it came from, but it spoke to my heart. Just sayin'. You are fashioning/building a new Marilyn and I know I can trust my Maker's chisel and saw with the life He's given me. For You love me just as I am and who I am is emerging into your likeness. Woo Hoo!

Open Heart Surgery

Thursday's are my week day specifically set aside to exercise in God's Word. Although I read His Word every day, on this day, for me, it's a more intense, seeking time with my Father. So I'm not going to talk about how many miles I walked on the treadmill. Sometimes clarity of balance comes when dealing with the unexpected. Today, right now in fact, at 7:00 AM in Iowa, a dear friend is beginning to undergo open heart surgery. I spent a couple hours with her last night at the hospital and after a long hug, some laughter and catching up, she shared her frustration with "just not knowing what's going on. I just wish someone here would tell me somthing! I've been in the hospital since Thursday and no one's telling me anything. I'm really scared." She's got several things going on. Her carotid arteries have blockages and they were viewing her heart (she's had 2 stints in the past 10 years)and the doctors thought the aortic valve was blocked as well. She turns 75 on April 1st, has diabetes, knees and hips that need replaced and is looking at Mt. Everest health-wise. She has a right to be scared and frustrated, yet as we talked and she spoke of her relationship with Jesus, a lot of that tenseness in her shoulders and carriage seemed to relax. Sometimes the best medicine is in a listening ear. We prayed together and asked God to fill her with His peace. We prayed for the doctors, surgeons and nursing staff. We prayed and thanked Him for the wisdom He is giving them and the insight to best care for her physical heart. I was reminded this morning of the verse in Ezekiel 36:26 that the Lord gave me when my husband had angioplasty back in the 1984: "I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh." This isn't necessarily speaking of the physical heart but He gave it to me so I'm claiming it for my friend. Turns out, just as I was preparing to leave a doctor walks into the hospital room and begins to tell her "what's going on." How like our heavenly Father to show up like that, just when another pair of ears is needed to share the information with her family. We were please to hear that her aortic valve is fine and won't need replaced. But they are going to do a bypass on the front of her heart and bypass the stints. Her carotid arteries will be taken care of in weeks to months in the future. The greatest concern right now is the blockages in her heart and that is being taken care of now. (Just got a text from her daughter that they just took her back for surgery, it's now 7:15 AM). Yes, we could chastise one another for not taking better care of ourselves and telling ourselves we shoulda, coulda, but she didn't, and still God has her in the palm of His hand. He loves her and is with her and will see her through this (if I may)"exercise" of her life. One thing it does do, it spurs me on to be more aware of what I eat, to eat healthier, to walk more, to spend more time with those I love and with my Father, to speak life into my actions, words and thoughts and to live more fully. Thank you Father for your peace and comfort for my friend and her family. Thank you for never leaving us, nor forsaking us. Thank you for being our strength, our hope, our refuge in times when we are weakest. Thank you.