Dear God, That HURTS!

Monday morning upon arrival to the gym for my time with the Lord in the pool I read a sign on the pool door that says, "Pool closed for electric shock treatment. Sorry for the inconvenience. The pool will reopen on Monday." Well, it's Monday; granted it's 5:00 AM, but it is Monday. Doesn't matter, I can't get in to the pool. So I say to myself, "That's okay. I'll just shower, dress and head upstairs to exercise in the Word of God." Shower goes fine, towel off and begin to dress. I grab my socks and reach down to put them on and WHAM!!! I knew I had moved wrong, I'd twisted in reaching for my sock and my lower back screams in pain. My voice echoes that pain and frustration. All I want to do is put on my sock, for crying out loud! I shout out, "Dear GOD, THAT HURTS!!!" I took me 20 minutes to put on my socks, then another 5 to slip on my slacks, and still I sit there. I try to get up and there's no support in my legs to do so. It takes me another 10 minutes just to stand. "I don't need this Father. I don't want this!" I realize the misalignment in my back is probably a hold over from dealing with the Achilles tendon strain that has affected my spine's balance. I know that, but Dear GOD, it HURTS. Slowly, I get dressed, do my make up stuff while still sitting, and have to lean against a wall to blow dry my hair. As long as I don't sit down and have to stand again I'm fine, but that's not going to get me anywhere; and as long as I'm walking, carefully, but walking, the pain lessens. It's the rising up and finding my balance on my legs that makes my low back scream. But I can't quit, so I do what I have to do to function through out the day. Grab that Motrin and take it sister! Just keep moving. It's now Tuesday, I've been to the gym and walked slowly on the treadmill for 20 minutes and on the exercise bike for 5, showered, dressed and have made it to work. Quite an accomplishment, but Lord Jesus, I'm frustrated and I hurt. "Daughter, it's the rising up and finding your balance that's the hardest part of your journey to liveliving. Don't quit. I am with you wherever you go. Just keep walking, keep moving, keep eating right, keep thinking right, keep your eyes, heart and mind on Me. I am the Motrin to see you through the pain. I love you and am so very proud of you. Do it slow, but keep aligning your life with My will and I will do more than help you function, I will strengthen your life to be the crown jewel I see in you." Thank you Father.

The Key to Victorious Live Living-my Valley of Beracah

  Remember the blog a couple days ago (All things are possible) where I prayed for God to show me how to get the weight off? Well, you're going to think this crazy but I believe and have confirmation that  He's shown me. It's going to take a little explanation, but bear with me. Two vital aspects of this journey to liveliving in Him is to #1-do it His way only, not the world's and #2-to successfully set
the example for others who, like me, financially can't afford to do it the world's way.

In order to explain I must briefly go back 35 years. I started smoking when I was 13 and continued smoking until I was 21. I was married then, had a 18 month old little boy and was working my first real job as a waitress in a truck stop. A rare event happened to change my life in that truck stop. A Christian truck driver by the name of Elvin Hess out of Pennsylvania walked through the doors and I noticed that he would speak to various truckers about his faith. This intrigued me and we began a brief but life-changing relationship. He re-introduced me to Jesus. I had been a Christian for many years, but had strayed away from my faith and working in a truck stop did not encourage that kind of life style. In the process of being re-acquainted with Jesus the Lord tell me, "Daughter, you can't serve me and smoke."

Knowing that in order to honor my Lord I had to quit smoking, I told Him, "Okay, Father, if you want me to quit smoking, you're going to have to do it through me, because I can't do it on my own." That was all He needed, and I soon discovered that each time I wanted a cigarette the Holy Spirit would bring to my mind songs that I had learned as a little girl in Sunday School. Each time I wanted a cigarette, (especially driving the 20 miles to and from work that was very strong), I would sing all the louder. Thankfully, the only one to hear me was Jesus! That worked. I've been smoke free for 35+ years now and I give Him all the praise for it.

Forward 35 years. This morning I was reading in 2 Chronicles 20, verses 9 through 29. I'm going to write the parts of the verses that specifically spoke to me.
Verse 9 says "If calamity comes upon us...we will stand in your presence before this temple that bears your Name and will cry out to you in our distress and you will hear us and save us.
Verse 12b - "...for we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you."
Verse 14-15: "The the Spirit of the Lord came upon Jahaziel...as he stood in the assembly. He said, "Listen...This is what the Lord says to you: Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's.
Verse 17 - "You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions, stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you. Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out to face them...and the Lord will be with you."
Verse 22 - "...they began to sing and praise and the Lord set ambushes against (their enemies)...and they were defeated."
Verse 26b - "This is why it is called the valley of Beracah to this day." (Beracah means "praise".

Joyce Meyer's devotional for today said, "In God's economy, standing still in faith is action. They simply stood still, waiting on God & He miraculously delivered them. Waiting on God brings strength and you'll hear His voice, receive answers, get direction & gain strength to obey what he speaks to you."
   
This was confirmation #1.

Then the Spirit took me to Psalm 41:11. One version says, "I know that You are pleased with me, for my enemies do not triumph over me." Joel Osteen said, "The favor of God keeps my enemies from defeating me. When you walk in God's favor, honoring Him with your life, knowing who you are and Whose you are, you can't be defeated."

That was confirmation #2.

Doubting that He was using these Old Testament verses to truly speak to me (I didn't want to just use them to justify my own desires), I asked Him to give me a verse from the New Testament and He  planted Matthew 22:31b and 32 in my mind. (Boy, did I feel chastised.) "...have you not read what God said to you, "I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob"? He is not the God of the dead, but of the living."  What this said to me was that He is not the God of the defeated, but of the victorious!

"Daughter, remember when I told you when you were smoking, "You can't serve Me and smoke"?
Yes, Father.
"And you didn't know it then, but you did the same thing the Israelites did when facing a vast army. You sang praises to Me every time you wanted a cigarette. That was over 35 years ago. It holds true today. When you crave those foods that you know won't help you lose weight, stop, stand still and sing praises to Me and I will defeat your enemies (cravings)."

Can it be that simple Father?

"Well, it worked for the Israelites, it worked for you 35 years ago and it will work for you now. I will deliver you."

Confirmation #3.

And to top it all off He led me to the Verse of the Day on my cell phone. Deuteronomy 7:9 (NIRV). "So I want you to realize that the Lord your God is God. He is the faithful God. He keeps His covenant (promise) for all time to come (a thousand generations). He keeps it with those who love  Him and obey His commands. He shows them His love."

Finally, I read Deuteronomy 7, 7-8, 12 & 14: "The Lord did not set His affection on you and choose you because you were more numerous than other peoples, for you were the fewest of all peoples. But it was because the Lord loved you and kept the oath He swore (covenant promise) to your forefathers that He brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the land of slavery, from the power of Pharaoh king of Egypt" (your past failures). If you pay attention to these laws and are careful to follow them...He will love you and bless you and increase you.  You will be blessed more than any other people."

I know this is longer than most posts, but crucial to understand what He's told me to do: stand still when facing the temptations to fail and overeat, and sing Him praises each time I want to eat whatever won't bring victory and weight loss. It's that simple, it's that pure, it's that God-led. In Jesus' name, today, obedience begins.

Smile Through the Tears

My devotional this morning directed me to Psalm 91:15 - "He will call upon Me and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him." Psalm 91 is a special passage to me; it was one my first husband's favorite passages before he died with cancer, especially verses 1 and 2: "He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust.” And before I even realized it, I had written "2015-1990=25" in the top right hand corner of my notebook. Mike will have been gone 25 years this coming December 13th. Memories of the final 3 months of his life flood my mind, and I realize that my friend Mary died on the 13th as well, April 13th, 2015. My heart still aches over the loss of my Mike and the ache is renewed with the loss of my friend Mary. Immediately, I run to the lap of my heavenly Father and tell Him, "Some days, Father, I have trouble with my memories. I remember the happy times, but I can't ignore the ones that make me cry. You've taught me that crying is okay, crying is healing, crying helps to wash away the impurites of past memories. Crying is cleansing, as long as I don't keep stirring up the dirty water of pain and think that reliving the pain will make it go away." "Father, you tell me that when I need to cry You are with me and You will refresh me with your love and your Word. You tell me that You will deliver me from painful memories and give me deep breaths of pure, new life-giving experiences in which to make new memories. For that I am thankful and love you all the more. But for now, Daddy, my heart is welled up with tears. I miss my friend. Tomorrow is her funeral and I know I will cry some more." Still, I must remember the new memory you gave me just yesterday morning as I parked my car in my work's parking lot. On the radio one of Mary's most favorite songs began to play, "I Can Only Imagine," and the words of that song brought a vision of Mary to my mind. She doesn't have to "imagine what it will be like. When she walks by your side. She doesn't have to "only imagine what her eyes will see. When your face is before me(her)." She knows. And I see her jumping up and down, dancing in praise before Jesus, thrilled that her knees no longer hurt, her joints move freely and her blood sugars are a non-entity now! She and her body are free from all the constraints of this earthly life. She had the most beautiful smile, I can only imagine how beautiful is that smile now. Thank you for this. Mary is with her Jesus and I believe that if she could wipe away the veil between heaven and earth right now she'd say, "This is AWESOME! You've got to see what I see! There He is, Jesus! Hurry up and get here!" She would raise her arms in praise, shake her hands in joy and smile her great big smile, her eyes on her Lord. Yes, I do miss them both, but I will see them again and for that I can smile through the tears.

And So It Begins - A New Perspective

Read these verses today in John 15: 1-2: 'Jesus said, “I am the real vine, my Father is the vine-dresser. He removes any of my branches which are not bearing fruit and he prunes every branch that does bear fruit to increase its yield." (Phillips version) That whole passage in John 15:1-8 provokes much thought and encouragement. However, this morning verse 2 was shown to me in an new light. I read it in the first person instead of the third. Look at it again: Although it was Jesus who said, "He removes any of my branches which are not bearing fruit and he prunes every branch that does bear fruit to increase its yield." It was as if He wanted me to see the "my" not as Jesus, but as literally me. My Father removes any of my own branches (fears, failure attitude, negative thoughts, excess weight in ALL forms) which are not bearing fruit and He prunes (makes clean and pure) every branch in me that does bear fruit (success, victory) to increase its yield. I know. These verses are Jesus' words to us about abiding in the Vine and dwelling in Him. But bear with me a few minutes and think about it, how He spoke it to me. I prayed yesterday for His leadership on losing weight and today receive His confirmation that He will remove anything from my life that hinders me from walking with Him, abiding in Him or keeps me from honoring Him with my body and my life. How awesome is that? Again and again His Word comes alive and is so incredibly encouraging. I know that I know I'm on the right path to right and fully alive living. Don't stop Father. Teach me more. The whole passage is worthy of another read through: “I am the real vine, my Father is the vine-dresser. He removes any of my branches which are not bearing fruit and he prunes every branch that does bear fruit to increase its yield. Now, you have already been pruned by my words. You must go on growing in me and I will grow in you. For just as the branch cannot bear any fruit unless it shares the life of the vine, so you can produce nothing unless you go on growing in me. I am the vine itself, you are the branches. It is the man who shares my life and whose life I share who proves fruitful. For the plain fact is that apart from me you can do nothing at all. The man who does not share my life is like a branch that is broken off and withers away. He becomes just like the dry sticks that men pick up and use for the firewood. But if you live your life in me, and my words live in your hearts, you can ask for whatever you like and it will come true for you. This is how my Father will be glorified—in your becoming fruitful and being my disciples. Be glorified in me, O Lord. In Jesus' name I pray.

Just a Brief Comment

AAARRGGGHHHH!! I WANT CHOCOLATE!!!! God, help me in my distress!!! I've had my protein...it's not working! AAAAAAAACH! Okay, it's a day later and I weathered that chocolate storm. Proud to say, no chocolate passed my lips. Thank you Lord for your strength. Today is another day and I'm encouraged.

With God ALL Things are Possible

Bear with me here. I'm not whining or getting depressed, but seeking truth. My prayer yesterday: "Father we, you, me, your angels and the prayers of my friends, walked the 5K race on Saturday and I honor you through the pain of the blister and Achilles tendon strain. May my pain be your gain. But Father, everything I read tells me, especially as a diabetic, how impossible it is to lose weight, that 90% regain the weight and fail in their attempt at weight loss. I'm grateful that, even at over 100 lbs over the weight I should be, I could do a 5k. Thank you. Now I desire to stand on your word for the weight loss. Your Word says in Luke 1:37-"For with God nothing will be impossible." and in Matthew 19:26-"Jesus said, 'With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." and in Mark 9:23-"All things are possible to him who believes." I don't want to follow man's way, but yours." "My desire is to have my body, your temple, fit for your kingdom work. So, okay Father, I'm standing on your Word of truth. in Psalms 121 your Word tells me that You watch over my every step, you won't let me fail, you will keep me from all harm, and in Psalm 120, you will answer me when I call on you in my distress. So in accordance to your Word Father, I am asking you, show me, tell me, train me how to get this weight off my body." "You gave me victory with the 5K. Exercise is now part of my daily life and I praise you for that. In this new phase of my journey I'm turning this body over to you completely. You gave me exercise cheers to keep me on track in preparation for the 5K, and they were just what I needed. I know you want to bring me victory in every area of my life because that will bring honor and glory to you. You started me on this journey to liveliving. I lift my hands to you O God; my body is entrusted into your care. Speak O Lord. I'm ready to listen."

De-feet Agony

I was going to title this blog, "Agony of De-feet" but that didn't seem very positive for the tremendous experience I had this past Saturday in Fort Dodge, Iowa, at the Hy-Vee Half Marathon & 5K race for Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation. I even have photos to show you, but that'll have to wait until tomorrow when I can figure out how to upload them. I knew I was in a little bit of trouble when on Friday I wore a sock with a small hole near the heal and 46 minutes into my walk on the treadmill I felt some irritation. Sure enough, by the time I showered I had a nickel-sized blister there. Okay, fine, I could handle this. Went and bought a bilster bandaid and during the race it was not problem at all. It was when I went to take it off after the race and the bandaid pulled most of the skin off the blister that the uh-oh came. Remarkably, when we arrived the temp was only 38 degrees. Thankfully, when the race started at 9:30 AM it was up to a balmy 50, which was good, and even though the race started on on asphalt, it didn't stay on asphalt. It turned into rock, then grass, then down hills (ouch on the left knee) and up hills and as there had been snow there the week before they had put sawdust over the areas of water run off and muddy areas. Most walked around the mud if they could but that was uneven terrain and was quite a challenge to the ankles. Still, I kept on, not even stopping for breath, and seemed to grow stronger going up the hills than I was on level areas. At several points there were sitting benches and one in particular stood out to me. On the back rest the donator had written "Enjoy life". What an encouragement for me and a confirmation that I was surely where the Lord wanted me that day. It was not an easy 3.1 miles. Although the blister didn't bother me, the uneven terrain played havoc on my right achilles tendon. I was so into forging ahead that I didn't even realize it until I reached the end of the race. The race was exhilarating! Remember the cheer the Lord gave me Friday? "You're not alone. My angels are beside you on your right, on your left, they're cheering you on!" Throughout the race I repeated that cheer and truly did feel His power fill me and surround me, knowing that many were praying for me. After the 2 mile mark I heard one of the 3 ladies behind me say, "So how long is a 5K anyway? Two, two and a half miles?" Chuckling I hollered back, with conviction, "3 point 1 miles!" "Oh," she said, and there was silence for a while. LOL. But I knew I was making it to the finish line! My arms lifted to heaven shortly after and I heard her say, "Look, she's raising her arms in victory." I smiled. Truly I was defeating all the agony, the fear, the defeatist attitudes of the past, and all the honor goes to my Lord. That last hill was a doozy though. I had just crossed a foot bridge and looking up I saw my husband waiting for me. I was almost there. I was reminded of the last part of another cheer, "See them ahead? They're cheering you on, All glory to God, the race has been won!" And those at the end of the race were cheering me on for that was a steep hill to climb. I felt His power through the prayers of my friends and was renewed with energy go forcefully tredge up that hill. Falling into my husband's outstretched arms I laughed, I cried, I shouted, "Thank you Jesus!" 56 minutes at that point, a couple minutes later I crossed the official finish line. Whew! What a rush! Arms uplifted, I continue to defeat past agonies and still I can smile. Back at it early this morning in the gym, but not on the treadmill for a couple days. To allow my right ankle to recover I did 20 minutes on the exercise bike. Lord willing another 5K in June or July and then again for the Breast Cancer walk/run in September. Lord lead the way.