Every day Struggles

     It's been an interesting week, mentally; not necessarily a "good" interesting, but more of a "spiritually challenging" interesting. Work is as stressful as ever and every day, as the frustration builds, I find myself wanting to talk with someone about the frustration, "just to vent". That would be fine if I were drawn to another believer who would give me the Lord's perspective, correct my wrong thinking and pray with me. However, I haven't been drawn to another believer. I'm more drawn to one individual at work who isn't a believer. This person is charismatic, fun, intelligent and has many of the same frustrations as I do. They make me laugh and my self-indulgent side is drawn to them like a moth to flame. In my many attempts so show them Jesus in me I find my fleshly side sneaking out and wanting to display many of their own unbelieving characteristics. Every time I've been pulled mentally to go "share" with them, to get comfort from them, I hear His still quiet voice say to me, "No". "No, daughter, don't. Come to Me. Bring all your frustrations and struggles to Me. Trust Me with it all and know that I will calm you, give you peace and take care of the problems." I have found myself literally crying out to my God, "Help me, Jesus. Help me, Jesus," or at my weakest points just saying His name, "Jesus." Still I'm tempted. Not to eat what I shouldn't, but more to "eat" what my flesh craves instead of spiritual food.  It would probably be here where I state that I overcame the temptations and reigned victorious by speaking God's Word to myself, but I must admit, all I could do was bow my head and speak His name.  This journey to liveliving is not always victorious. Forgive me, but there are times it is damn hard. Satan, in his insipid way hisses in my ear, "Go on. Talk to that person, vent, gripe, murmur, complain, talk badly about others at your job. Go on, they'll understand. They know you better than you do. They won't look down on you. Of course, they won't come to know Jesus, but who cares? You need them. Go onnn!"
    I know I need to surround myself with other believers who can hear my heart's cry, understand and help me refocus on my Lord, but their number isn't on my phone's speed dial. It's not that Jesus isn't strong enough to give me victory without them, I know that He is. But sometimes the addiction to self-indulge, whether that be eating, thinking, or just my general daily walk in life, does it's best to overtake me and all I can do is cry out His name.
   I will say that I didn't do what Satan tempted me to do and in that, there is victory, but I feel like I somehow let Jesus down. Like I should have had a more Life-affirming attitude. I should have been stronger in my faith and let my praise of Jesus raise me to Him. Still, I did hear His voice. I did obey His instructions. I did lean on Jesus and not Satan. I didn't lose my testimony to that individual I've been trying to show Jesus. He showed me that I CAN do all things, even the overwhelming duties I've been instructed to do, through Him, and He is strengthening me. I know that I know, when He is ready, and He knows I am ready, He will move me on to a job I flourish in, a job where the gifts He's given me will blossom from a faith that is strong and overcoming. So thank you Father. Thank you for being with me this past week and in the weeks to come. Thank you for your strength and still calm voice that speaks to me in my weakest moments as well as in my strongest moments. I give you praise for showing me You are ever present with me, even when I'm weakest.