The Cost of Forgiveness

"Find rest, O my soul, in God alone; my hope comes from Him. He alone is my rock and my salvation; He is my fortress, I will not be shaken. My salvation and my honor depends on God; He is my mighty rock, my refuge... One thing God has spoken, two things have I heard: that you O God, are strong and that you, O God, are loving." (Psalm 62: 5-7, 11-12, NIV) In Joyce Meyer's devotion this morning she spoke about prayer and how it releases the power of almighty God into our daily lives; how it can move the hand of God. Simple, believing prayer. So, okay Father, here goes. You know how I enjoy or visits. They are uniquely ours and I cherish them. You know that, and I feel you smile. We started this conversation yesterday morning and you've brought it up again so I must go there. My work key wouldn't open the gym door this morning, some connection within it is broken and entry was denied. That's how I'm feeling lately, that some connection between me and you is locking me out of, or gaining access to your heart, and I don't have the know how to fix the key. I love our chats, I miss our chats. What am I dong wrong? Show me my sin, that I might confess it and our relationship be restored. "Unforgiveness, daughter." Towards whom? "You know towards whom. Your boss. certain members of your family. Nick. Yourself. Me. Each in a different way and to different degrees, but you know it's there." Oh. "You willingly chose this journey to liveliving. This is part of it, part of your growth. Forgive them." But Father. you know my heart. They hurt me, the child in me. "I forgave you and you killed my Son." Oh. Do I have to "love" them? "Let Me do that part. You just forgive." They will hurt me again. Not forgiving them protects the child in me. It keeps them at a distance. "Yes, but it also locks the door to the growth in our relationship. You don't want that either. Remember, all this brings us full circle to your original question. You want the key to our relationship fixed? Forgive." Okay, so if I forgive... "No conditions daughter, no restrictions. Forgive." That's hard Father. Can't I just jab them a little? "For what? Will that restore your relationshp with them? Jabbing them...a little?" No. "From your heart daughter. Go into another room, shut the door, get on your knees and give them to Me. For Jesus' sake." For Jesus' sake, Father? "Why do you think he willingly died on the cross for you? Just to please me? No, he went through all he did on the cross so that the relationship between me and you could be restored. He paid the ultimate price of forgiveness. Isn't your forgiveness worth it, for Him?" Yes, Father. Thank you. "Give them to Me. Forgive."

More Early Writings

02/25/15 John 8:28-29 - "So Jesus said, 'When you have lifted up the Son of Man, then you will know that I am the one I claim to be, and that I do nothing on my own, but speak just what the Father has taught me. The one who sent me is with me; he has not left me alone, for I always do what pleases him." Father, may my desires become 'one" with yours. Yesterday morning we were told that our co-worker's niece, Grace, 13, committed suicide by hanging the night before. Our whole office is devastated. This morning when on the treadmill, I was praying for Tina and her family and my first excise cheer came to mind. "From the top of my head, to the tip of my toes, the sweat is melting the fat. I thank you Lord, I praise you Lord, I look unto your face. I thank you for your work in me, Walk forward in your grace." And that last word brought young Grace to the forefront of my thoughts. Her name means "God's favor." I hear the Holy Spirit speak to my heart, "Don't do this exercising for yourself, do it for the life she could have had, do it for your co-worker, do your workouts for others, to show them how full their lives can be when they invite Me along for the journey. Do this for that one woman who believes she'll never make it, never get the weight off, never shake off her emotional baggage. Do this for her that Jesus might be revealed in you." Amen Father, amen. From this prayer came this cheer: It's not about speed, it's about endurance. Walking with Jesus, walking with Jesus. Do it for Tyson, do it for Grace, Do it for those who can't run the race. Do it for Mary, do it for Grace, (added Mary after she was hospitalized) Do it for those who can't run the race. See them ahead? Cheering you on! All glory to God, The race has been won! 02/28/15 Joshua 1:7-9, NIRV (May His Word ignite your soul) “Be strong and very brave. Make sure you obey the whole law my servant Moses gave you. Do not turn away from it to the right or the left. Then you will have success everywhere you go. 8 Never stop reading this Book of the Law. Day and night you must think about what it says. Make sure you do everything written in it. Then things will go well with you. And you will have great success. 9 Here is what I am commanding you to do. Be strong and brave. Do not be afraid. Do not lose hope. I am the Lord your God. I will be with you everywhere you go.” 03/02/15 Luke 5:5 "Simon answered, "Master, we've worked hard all night and haven't caught anything. But because you say so, I will let down the nets." That's what I feel like today Lord. I worked hard for 30 days, have only list 2 1/2 lbs. and my new exercise partner has stopped coming. I feel like Peter, "I haven't caught anything." Yet, because you've called me to this, I am going to register for that 5K in Fort Dodge today, I'm going to "let down my nets." Whether I lose another pound or not, I'm going to follow you. I'm going to give up all my own ways of thinking, of doing, of following the rules and step out in faith and come to you. It's a new fresh month Lord Jesus and I devote it and dedicate it to you, and follow your direction. In Jesus' name, because you say so.

Lift Up Your Knees and Run! (Early writings)

I was looking through my journal this morning and re-read some of them. I'll put some of them here for your encouragement. This one was written February 7th, 2015. "Lift up your knees and run, Lift up your knees and run. A new thing He's starting, He's only begun, So lift up your knees and RUN!! Psalm 119:105 - "Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light for my path." In order to obey your instructions I must believe your "instructions" are true and they are true in my life today. Do I believe your word will shed light up on my walk with you? Will it encourage me as I go? Do I believe it will illuminate my knowledge and understanding of the direction you want me to go? Will it surround my walk with the glory of your presence? Fill me with a peace that the direction I'm going is right and right with you? Do I BELIEVE that? It's true whether I believe it or not, but when I believe it's true for me now, i will step forward into that truth. 02/12/15 Tummy Cheer Your tummy's got that ring of fat, The time of sitting has got to stop, So suck it in and pull it up, Suck it in and pull it up. When you're jogging and feel it flop, Just suck it in and pull it up. Suck it in, pull it up, Suck it in, pull it up. Before you know it, it'll stop, So suck it in, pull it up, Suck it in, pull it UP! Okay, so it's not the most spiritual cheer, but at the time it motivated me to focus, and it gave me a chuckle and encouragement to enjoy the journey. 02/14/15 Psalm 33:20-22 - "We wait in hope for the Lord; He is our help and shield. In Him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in His holy name. May your unfailing love rest upon us, Lord, even as we put our hope in you." Wow. Thank you father. I know your eyes are on me and your plan and purpose for me will stand firm. You love me with an unfailing love. In you I can not fail. Wow. Thank you. I bought that figurine today. The one I've been looking at for the past year at the second hand store. It stands about 6 inches tall, is white and depicts Jesus as a carpenter with tools at his side and a tool box in His hand. Today is Valentine's day and my birthday is a couple days away. I didn't care about the cost ($7.50), it's been mine since I first saw it. I don't know where it came from, but it spoke to my heart. Just sayin'. You are fashioning/building a new Marilyn and I know I can trust my Maker's chisel and saw with the life He's given me. For You love me just as I am and who I am is emerging into your likeness. Woo Hoo!

Tangible Love

James 2:26- " So then, as the body without the spirit is dead, also faith without actions is dead. (NCV) I receive in my email, devotionals from the website Girlfriends in God, www.girlfriendsingod.com. Yesterday's was particularly helpful to me. It was written by Kathi Lipp and entitled "From Intention to Action." Read it for yourself, you will be blessed. She wrote about the aftermath of the death of her father and how touched she was by those who showed tangible evidence of their love towards the family and expressed God's love towards them in their grief. I don't want to give it away, but I was struck by the expression that although "there were hundreds of Facebook messages and emails," it was the cares and the flowers and the "showing up" when needed that truly impacted her life. All of which reminded me of my desire to honor my friend Mary's memory in some "tangible" way. Ms. Lipp said there were 2 things that she "did to stop thinking about loving others and get busy doing it." They were "#1. Pray. Pray that God would show you who needs encouragement today, and #2. Set up Systems of accomplishing that, either through cards, casseroles, a stack of $5 Starbucks cards, whatever." And I realized that this so emphasized the verse above in James 2:26. Someone once wrote, "The road to hell is paved with good intentions," and that's true. It's easy to intend to show someone you care, but it takes effort to show them. Showing God's love to others is what impacts their life. In effect, that's my intention with this blog, is to show whomever reads it how God is impacting my life and telling you, the reader, that He will do the same for you. But if we listen to the Holy Spirit's nudging, that's not enough. So how do I tangibly show you faith? I remember when I was on the 5K I did my best to encourage others who passed me on the path, I remember at the end of the race stopping the couple who were walking in front of me during the whole race and thanking them for the encouragement they gave me to keep going and I especially remember high-fiving the people who were cheering me on at the end of the race to keep going. They impacted me so much that I want to do the same for others. At this point, the best way I can show you, the reader, God's love, is to not quit, keep on with this journey to liveliving in every area of my life and share with you how God's is working in and through me. Back to Mary. Mary had 3 great loves: her relationship with her Lord Jesus, Her family and her pets. Unconditionally, she loved them all. She showed her Lord she loved Him when she praised Him in song and in her prayers and by giving her time and many times of her meager means to others; she showed her family she loved them by going to as many sporting events and other activities that they were involved in as she physically could and babysitting her grandbabies when her health allowed (and sometimes even when it didn't); she showed her pets she loved them by welcoming strays into her home and providing for them when they would have otherwise died. There weren't a lot of people at her funeral and one might think that she didn't impact many lives, but to those whom she loved in word and in deed, she loved fully and down the road that will have an impact on them and on others. So Father, show me today someone who needs encouragement and how to do that, how to show them you love them, tangibly. You came so that they might have life (not good intentions), and have it more abundantly. In Jesus' name I am eagerly looking for that person you want to give life to.

Snack Attack Wars!

So this is the day at work where all those who have birthdays in this month (there are 3 in April) get to choose what they'd like to eat to celebrate their birthday. A cake is a given, but whether they want Mexican, Italian, BBQ, Potato bar or just a "treat" day, it's their choice. They've chosen to have today be a grazing treat day. Someone's bringing sloppy joes, another made-rites, others are bring condiments, and just general snacky foods. Oh Lord, I'm going to need to SING today!!! I had my microwaved scrambled eggs with fresh spinach and salsa for breakfast but Lord, I'm having an emotional day today because I miss my friend Mary, who died, and I've learned that I'm an emotional eater. I eat to comfort myself. God, help me, strengthen me, comfort me, protect me from foods that should not go past my lips. Yesterday, for Professional Associates Day, my supervisor brough 3 dozen cream-filled, glazed and sprinkled donuts. I didn't eat a one! That was tempting, but do-able. "What goes past the lips, stays on the hips!" Thankfully, I'm going out for lunch with my friend's daughter, Renee, and will get to bypass lunch at work. We're going to a restaurant that has salads, so thank you Jesus for your timing there. Then another supervisor took us out to lunch yesterday at Granite City to "celebrate" and I stayed strong and ordered only a cup of tomato basil soup (took out the crouton garnish)and 1/2 sandwich of tomato, 2 slices of bacon and sliced avocado. Funny story there. I was told before I we left that that restaurant had a healthy eating section on their menu. So I asked the waittress if that was true and where could I find that on the menu. She said (get this), "How healthy do you want?" "Well, healthy," I responded. No, we don't have anything healthy on the menu." REALLY? Well, al-righty then. My meal came with fries and cole slaw and I told her not to put that on the plate, I didn't want it. She looked at me with a puzzled look wrote that down and then proceeded to forget my cup of soup. All that came on the large plate was the 1/2 sandwich. Took 3 reminders to get the soup. So I'm thankful for my time with the Lord this morning in the pool. I praise him for time alone with him in His word. I WILL honor Him today by caring for this temple He's given me. I will sing to him in my heart and if necessary out loud. No matter what Satan says, no matter what he does, no matter how I feel, God's grace will get me through this day. Because I'm not alone, God has His angels right beside me. on my right, on my left, they're cheering me on!

Cotton Candy

So I was reading in my devotional book this morning after working out on the treadmill and elliptical machine and read: Isaiah 55:2b-"Listen, listen to me and eat what is good, and your soul will delight in the richest of fare." The "eat what is good" part intrigued me, in fact, verses 1-11 fascinated me. Yet, the "richest of fare" part puzzled me. So I looked the passage up in The Message version and LOVED what I read. Read this: Verse 2 - "Why do you spend your money on junk food, your hard-earned cash on cotton candy? Listen to Me, listen well: Eat only the best, fill yourself only with the finest." (Don't you just love that?) Verse 3 - "Pay attention, come close now, listen carefully to my life-giving, life nourishing words. I'm making a lasting covenant commitment with you, the same one that I made with David: sure, solid, enduring love. (life-giving, life nourishing-how cool!) Verse 4 - "I set him up as a witness to the nations...And now I'm doing it to you:" (I'm a witness for God? Really? God is setting me up as a witness to "nations"? I see that not as a nation like a country, but as a witness to people groups. Verse 5 - "You'll summon nations you've never heard of, and nations who've never heard of you will come running to you because of Me, your God, because The Holy of Israel has honored you." (People I've never heard of? Because of You, O God, only because of You) WOW! Personalize this and it'll take you higher than you were yesterday. And those junk food and cotton candy quips? TeeHee. May that make you smile and cement your resolve to eat healthier than you did yesterday. In Jesus' name. Amen

Interesting Read

A Diet Might Cut the Risk of Developing Alzheimer's By Sumathi Reddy Read in 04/21/15 The Wall Street Journal, the Personal Journal, Health & Wellness section In part, it reads: Researchers successfully tested a special diet they designed that appears to reduce the risk for developing Alzheimer's disease. The study compared the so-called MIND diet with the popular, heart-healthy Mediterranean diet and the DASH diet, which is intended to help control high blood pressure. The MIND diet borrows significantly from the other two, and all are largely plant-based and low in high-fat foods. But the MIND diet places particular emphasis on eating "brain-healthy" foods such as green leafy vegetables and berries, among other recommendations. The study, conducted by researchers at Rush University Medical Center in Chicago, found strict adherence to any of the three diets lessened the chances of getting Alzheimer's. But only the MIND diet seemed to help counter the disease even when people followed only some of the diet's recommendations. The research was observational, not randomized or controlled, and therefore isn't evidence the MIND diet caused a reduced risk for Alzheimer's. Instead, the research shows there is an association between the two. Experts point to a growing awareness that lifestyle—not just genetics—plays a big roll in the disease. The MIND diet…stands for Mediterranean-DASH Intervention for neurodegenerative Delay. Researchers modified the Mediterranean and DASH diets based on evidence from animal and human studies looking at nutrition and the brain. DASH stands for Dietary Approaches to Stop Hypertension. For example, fruits, a common recommendation in heart-healthy diets, haven't been shown to slow cognitive decline or prevent dementia, but berries, and especially blueberries, have. Dr. Morris said. The MIND diet calls fore eating berries at least 2x/week and doesn't include recommendations for other types of fruit. Research also has shown that green leafy vegetables protect the brain more than other vegetables. The MIND diet includes one serving of greens in addition to eating one or more other veggies a day. It is heavy on nuts and beans, whole grains and olive oil and recommends a glass of wine a day, all of which also are recommended by one or both of the other diets.

Be Fit

Love this verse in 1 Thessalonians 5:17 - "Pray continually." And then I read in verse 23 and 24: May your whole spirit, soul and body be kept blameless (fit) at the coming of our Lord Jesus Christ. The One who calls you is faithful and He will do it." I read this on Sunday morning. WOW! God's word tells me His will for me is that my whole spirit, soul and body be blameless (fit). How cool is that? And He will see that it is fulfilled because even when I'm not faithful, He is! Wow! The Kingdom of God has been described as God's favor, God's presence and God's power and it's all been given to me. Not because I'm special,(even though I am, LOL) but because He gives it freely to all who believe. And then He reveals phase 3 of my journey. Phase one was the exercise, phase 2 is to stand still in His presence and sing when I'm tempted to eat what I shouldn't eat. As a side note, I found out this morning that singing doesn't just apply to food temptations, but the temptation to complain, whine, belittle myself, beat myself up or get depressed. SING praises, girlfriend, focus on and sing praises to your Creator! Want to feel sorry for yourself? SING!!! Phase 3 is this: "Daughter, for the next month, eat only foods that are pure, not been morphed into another food. Use no seasoning or powders. Eat food in its purest, cleanest form." Okay Father, In Jesus' name and in your power I go forward with you, literally at my and holding my back.

Dear God, That HURTS!

Monday morning upon arrival to the gym for my time with the Lord in the pool I read a sign on the pool door that says, "Pool closed for electric shock treatment. Sorry for the inconvenience. The pool will reopen on Monday." Well, it's Monday; granted it's 5:00 AM, but it is Monday. Doesn't matter, I can't get in to the pool. So I say to myself, "That's okay. I'll just shower, dress and head upstairs to exercise in the Word of God." Shower goes fine, towel off and begin to dress. I grab my socks and reach down to put them on and WHAM!!! I knew I had moved wrong, I'd twisted in reaching for my sock and my lower back screams in pain. My voice echoes that pain and frustration. All I want to do is put on my sock, for crying out loud! I shout out, "Dear GOD, THAT HURTS!!!" I took me 20 minutes to put on my socks, then another 5 to slip on my slacks, and still I sit there. I try to get up and there's no support in my legs to do so. It takes me another 10 minutes just to stand. "I don't need this Father. I don't want this!" I realize the misalignment in my back is probably a hold over from dealing with the Achilles tendon strain that has affected my spine's balance. I know that, but Dear GOD, it HURTS. Slowly, I get dressed, do my make up stuff while still sitting, and have to lean against a wall to blow dry my hair. As long as I don't sit down and have to stand again I'm fine, but that's not going to get me anywhere; and as long as I'm walking, carefully, but walking, the pain lessens. It's the rising up and finding my balance on my legs that makes my low back scream. But I can't quit, so I do what I have to do to function through out the day. Grab that Motrin and take it sister! Just keep moving. It's now Tuesday, I've been to the gym and walked slowly on the treadmill for 20 minutes and on the exercise bike for 5, showered, dressed and have made it to work. Quite an accomplishment, but Lord Jesus, I'm frustrated and I hurt. "Daughter, it's the rising up and finding your balance that's the hardest part of your journey to liveliving. Don't quit. I am with you wherever you go. Just keep walking, keep moving, keep eating right, keep thinking right, keep your eyes, heart and mind on Me. I am the Motrin to see you through the pain. I love you and am so very proud of you. Do it slow, but keep aligning your life with My will and I will do more than help you function, I will strengthen your life to be the crown jewel I see in you." Thank you Father.

The Key to Victorious Live Living-my Valley of Beracah

  Remember the blog a couple days ago (All things are possible) where I prayed for God to show me how to get the weight off? Well, you're going to think this crazy but I believe and have confirmation that  He's shown me. It's going to take a little explanation, but bear with me. Two vital aspects of this journey to liveliving in Him is to #1-do it His way only, not the world's and #2-to successfully set
the example for others who, like me, financially can't afford to do it the world's way.

In order to explain I must briefly go back 35 years. I started smoking when I was 13 and continued smoking until I was 21. I was married then, had a 18 month old little boy and was working my first real job as a waitress in a truck stop. A rare event happened to change my life in that truck stop. A Christian truck driver by the name of Elvin Hess out of Pennsylvania walked through the doors and I noticed that he would speak to various truckers about his faith. This intrigued me and we began a brief but life-changing relationship. He re-introduced me to Jesus. I had been a Christian for many years, but had strayed away from my faith and working in a truck stop did not encourage that kind of life style. In the process of being re-acquainted with Jesus the Lord tell me, "Daughter, you can't serve me and smoke."

Knowing that in order to honor my Lord I had to quit smoking, I told Him, "Okay, Father, if you want me to quit smoking, you're going to have to do it through me, because I can't do it on my own." That was all He needed, and I soon discovered that each time I wanted a cigarette the Holy Spirit would bring to my mind songs that I had learned as a little girl in Sunday School. Each time I wanted a cigarette, (especially driving the 20 miles to and from work that was very strong), I would sing all the louder. Thankfully, the only one to hear me was Jesus! That worked. I've been smoke free for 35+ years now and I give Him all the praise for it.

Forward 35 years. This morning I was reading in 2 Chronicles 20, verses 9 through 29. I'm going to write the parts of the verses that specifically spoke to me.
Verse 9 says "If calamity comes upon us...we will stand in your presence before this temple that bears your Name and will cry out to you in our distress and you will hear us and save us.
Verse 12b - "...for we have no power to face this vast army that is attacking us. We do not know what to do, but our eyes are upon you."
Verse 14-15: "The the Spirit of the Lord came upon Jahaziel...as he stood in the assembly. He said, "Listen...This is what the Lord says to you: Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's.
Verse 17 - "You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions, stand firm and see the deliverance the Lord will give you. Do not be afraid or discouraged. Go out to face them...and the Lord will be with you."
Verse 22 - "...they began to sing and praise and the Lord set ambushes against (their enemies)...and they were defeated."
Verse 26b - "This is why it is called the valley of Beracah to this day." (Beracah means "praise".

Joyce Meyer's devotional for today said, "In God's economy, standing still in faith is action. They simply stood still, waiting on God & He miraculously delivered them. Waiting on God brings strength and you'll hear His voice, receive answers, get direction & gain strength to obey what he speaks to you."
   
This was confirmation #1.

Then the Spirit took me to Psalm 41:11. One version says, "I know that You are pleased with me, for my enemies do not triumph over me." Joel Osteen said, "The favor of God keeps my enemies from defeating me. When you walk in God's favor, honoring Him with your life, knowing who you are and Whose you are, you can't be defeated."

That was confirmation #2.

Doubting that He was using these Old Testament verses to truly speak to me (I didn't want to just use them to justify my own desires), I asked Him to give me a verse from the New Testament and He  planted Matthew 22:31b and 32 in my mind. (Boy, did I feel chastised.) "...have you not read what God said to you, "I am the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob"? He is not the God of the dead, but of the living."  What this said to me was that He is not the God of the defeated, but of the victorious!

"Daughter, remember when I told you when you were smoking, "You can't serve Me and smoke"?
Yes, Father.
"And you didn't know it then, but you did the same thing the Israelites did when facing a vast army. You sang praises to Me every time you wanted a cigarette. That was over 35 years ago. It holds true today. When you crave those foods that you know won't help you lose weight, stop, stand still and sing praises to Me and I will defeat your enemies (cravings)."

Can it be that simple Father?

"Well, it worked for the Israelites, it worked for you 35 years ago and it will work for you now. I will deliver you."

Confirmation #3.

And to top it all off He led me to the Verse of the Day on my cell phone. Deuteronomy 7:9 (NIRV). "So I want you to realize that the Lord your God is God. He is the faithful God. He keeps His covenant (promise) for all time to come (a thousand generations). He keeps it with those who love  Him and obey His commands. He shows them His love."

Finally, I read Deuteronomy 7, 7-8, 12 & 14: "The Lord did not set His affection on you and choose you because you were more numerous than other peoples, for you were the fewest of all peoples. But it was because the Lord loved you and kept the oath He swore (covenant promise) to your forefathers that He brought you out with a mighty hand and redeemed you from the land of slavery, from the power of Pharaoh king of Egypt" (your past failures). If you pay attention to these laws and are careful to follow them...He will love you and bless you and increase you.  You will be blessed more than any other people."

I know this is longer than most posts, but crucial to understand what He's told me to do: stand still when facing the temptations to fail and overeat, and sing Him praises each time I want to eat whatever won't bring victory and weight loss. It's that simple, it's that pure, it's that God-led. In Jesus' name, today, obedience begins.

Smile Through the Tears

My devotional this morning directed me to Psalm 91:15 - "He will call upon Me and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him." Psalm 91 is a special passage to me; it was one my first husband's favorite passages before he died with cancer, especially verses 1 and 2: "He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress; My God, in Him I will trust.” And before I even realized it, I had written "2015-1990=25" in the top right hand corner of my notebook. Mike will have been gone 25 years this coming December 13th. Memories of the final 3 months of his life flood my mind, and I realize that my friend Mary died on the 13th as well, April 13th, 2015. My heart still aches over the loss of my Mike and the ache is renewed with the loss of my friend Mary. Immediately, I run to the lap of my heavenly Father and tell Him, "Some days, Father, I have trouble with my memories. I remember the happy times, but I can't ignore the ones that make me cry. You've taught me that crying is okay, crying is healing, crying helps to wash away the impurites of past memories. Crying is cleansing, as long as I don't keep stirring up the dirty water of pain and think that reliving the pain will make it go away." "Father, you tell me that when I need to cry You are with me and You will refresh me with your love and your Word. You tell me that You will deliver me from painful memories and give me deep breaths of pure, new life-giving experiences in which to make new memories. For that I am thankful and love you all the more. But for now, Daddy, my heart is welled up with tears. I miss my friend. Tomorrow is her funeral and I know I will cry some more." Still, I must remember the new memory you gave me just yesterday morning as I parked my car in my work's parking lot. On the radio one of Mary's most favorite songs began to play, "I Can Only Imagine," and the words of that song brought a vision of Mary to my mind. She doesn't have to "imagine what it will be like. When she walks by your side. She doesn't have to "only imagine what her eyes will see. When your face is before me(her)." She knows. And I see her jumping up and down, dancing in praise before Jesus, thrilled that her knees no longer hurt, her joints move freely and her blood sugars are a non-entity now! She and her body are free from all the constraints of this earthly life. She had the most beautiful smile, I can only imagine how beautiful is that smile now. Thank you for this. Mary is with her Jesus and I believe that if she could wipe away the veil between heaven and earth right now she'd say, "This is AWESOME! You've got to see what I see! There He is, Jesus! Hurry up and get here!" She would raise her arms in praise, shake her hands in joy and smile her great big smile, her eyes on her Lord. Yes, I do miss them both, but I will see them again and for that I can smile through the tears.

And So It Begins - A New Perspective

Read these verses today in John 15: 1-2: 'Jesus said, “I am the real vine, my Father is the vine-dresser. He removes any of my branches which are not bearing fruit and he prunes every branch that does bear fruit to increase its yield." (Phillips version) That whole passage in John 15:1-8 provokes much thought and encouragement. However, this morning verse 2 was shown to me in an new light. I read it in the first person instead of the third. Look at it again: Although it was Jesus who said, "He removes any of my branches which are not bearing fruit and he prunes every branch that does bear fruit to increase its yield." It was as if He wanted me to see the "my" not as Jesus, but as literally me. My Father removes any of my own branches (fears, failure attitude, negative thoughts, excess weight in ALL forms) which are not bearing fruit and He prunes (makes clean and pure) every branch in me that does bear fruit (success, victory) to increase its yield. I know. These verses are Jesus' words to us about abiding in the Vine and dwelling in Him. But bear with me a few minutes and think about it, how He spoke it to me. I prayed yesterday for His leadership on losing weight and today receive His confirmation that He will remove anything from my life that hinders me from walking with Him, abiding in Him or keeps me from honoring Him with my body and my life. How awesome is that? Again and again His Word comes alive and is so incredibly encouraging. I know that I know I'm on the right path to right and fully alive living. Don't stop Father. Teach me more. The whole passage is worthy of another read through: “I am the real vine, my Father is the vine-dresser. He removes any of my branches which are not bearing fruit and he prunes every branch that does bear fruit to increase its yield. Now, you have already been pruned by my words. You must go on growing in me and I will grow in you. For just as the branch cannot bear any fruit unless it shares the life of the vine, so you can produce nothing unless you go on growing in me. I am the vine itself, you are the branches. It is the man who shares my life and whose life I share who proves fruitful. For the plain fact is that apart from me you can do nothing at all. The man who does not share my life is like a branch that is broken off and withers away. He becomes just like the dry sticks that men pick up and use for the firewood. But if you live your life in me, and my words live in your hearts, you can ask for whatever you like and it will come true for you. This is how my Father will be glorified—in your becoming fruitful and being my disciples. Be glorified in me, O Lord. In Jesus' name I pray.

Just a Brief Comment

AAARRGGGHHHH!! I WANT CHOCOLATE!!!! God, help me in my distress!!! I've had my protein...it's not working! AAAAAAAACH! Okay, it's a day later and I weathered that chocolate storm. Proud to say, no chocolate passed my lips. Thank you Lord for your strength. Today is another day and I'm encouraged.

With God ALL Things are Possible

Bear with me here. I'm not whining or getting depressed, but seeking truth. My prayer yesterday: "Father we, you, me, your angels and the prayers of my friends, walked the 5K race on Saturday and I honor you through the pain of the blister and Achilles tendon strain. May my pain be your gain. But Father, everything I read tells me, especially as a diabetic, how impossible it is to lose weight, that 90% regain the weight and fail in their attempt at weight loss. I'm grateful that, even at over 100 lbs over the weight I should be, I could do a 5k. Thank you. Now I desire to stand on your word for the weight loss. Your Word says in Luke 1:37-"For with God nothing will be impossible." and in Matthew 19:26-"Jesus said, 'With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible." and in Mark 9:23-"All things are possible to him who believes." I don't want to follow man's way, but yours." "My desire is to have my body, your temple, fit for your kingdom work. So, okay Father, I'm standing on your Word of truth. in Psalms 121 your Word tells me that You watch over my every step, you won't let me fail, you will keep me from all harm, and in Psalm 120, you will answer me when I call on you in my distress. So in accordance to your Word Father, I am asking you, show me, tell me, train me how to get this weight off my body." "You gave me victory with the 5K. Exercise is now part of my daily life and I praise you for that. In this new phase of my journey I'm turning this body over to you completely. You gave me exercise cheers to keep me on track in preparation for the 5K, and they were just what I needed. I know you want to bring me victory in every area of my life because that will bring honor and glory to you. You started me on this journey to liveliving. I lift my hands to you O God; my body is entrusted into your care. Speak O Lord. I'm ready to listen."

De-feet Agony

I was going to title this blog, "Agony of De-feet" but that didn't seem very positive for the tremendous experience I had this past Saturday in Fort Dodge, Iowa, at the Hy-Vee Half Marathon & 5K race for Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation. I even have photos to show you, but that'll have to wait until tomorrow when I can figure out how to upload them. I knew I was in a little bit of trouble when on Friday I wore a sock with a small hole near the heal and 46 minutes into my walk on the treadmill I felt some irritation. Sure enough, by the time I showered I had a nickel-sized blister there. Okay, fine, I could handle this. Went and bought a bilster bandaid and during the race it was not problem at all. It was when I went to take it off after the race and the bandaid pulled most of the skin off the blister that the uh-oh came. Remarkably, when we arrived the temp was only 38 degrees. Thankfully, when the race started at 9:30 AM it was up to a balmy 50, which was good, and even though the race started on on asphalt, it didn't stay on asphalt. It turned into rock, then grass, then down hills (ouch on the left knee) and up hills and as there had been snow there the week before they had put sawdust over the areas of water run off and muddy areas. Most walked around the mud if they could but that was uneven terrain and was quite a challenge to the ankles. Still, I kept on, not even stopping for breath, and seemed to grow stronger going up the hills than I was on level areas. At several points there were sitting benches and one in particular stood out to me. On the back rest the donator had written "Enjoy life". What an encouragement for me and a confirmation that I was surely where the Lord wanted me that day. It was not an easy 3.1 miles. Although the blister didn't bother me, the uneven terrain played havoc on my right achilles tendon. I was so into forging ahead that I didn't even realize it until I reached the end of the race. The race was exhilarating! Remember the cheer the Lord gave me Friday? "You're not alone. My angels are beside you on your right, on your left, they're cheering you on!" Throughout the race I repeated that cheer and truly did feel His power fill me and surround me, knowing that many were praying for me. After the 2 mile mark I heard one of the 3 ladies behind me say, "So how long is a 5K anyway? Two, two and a half miles?" Chuckling I hollered back, with conviction, "3 point 1 miles!" "Oh," she said, and there was silence for a while. LOL. But I knew I was making it to the finish line! My arms lifted to heaven shortly after and I heard her say, "Look, she's raising her arms in victory." I smiled. Truly I was defeating all the agony, the fear, the defeatist attitudes of the past, and all the honor goes to my Lord. That last hill was a doozy though. I had just crossed a foot bridge and looking up I saw my husband waiting for me. I was almost there. I was reminded of the last part of another cheer, "See them ahead? They're cheering you on, All glory to God, the race has been won!" And those at the end of the race were cheering me on for that was a steep hill to climb. I felt His power through the prayers of my friends and was renewed with energy go forcefully tredge up that hill. Falling into my husband's outstretched arms I laughed, I cried, I shouted, "Thank you Jesus!" 56 minutes at that point, a couple minutes later I crossed the official finish line. Whew! What a rush! Arms uplifted, I continue to defeat past agonies and still I can smile. Back at it early this morning in the gym, but not on the treadmill for a couple days. To allow my right ankle to recover I did 20 minutes on the exercise bike. Lord willing another 5K in June or July and then again for the Breast Cancer walk/run in September. Lord lead the way.

You're Not Alone

This is the morning before the 5K and as I was preparing to step on the treadmill for one last trek before the race I was stretching and praying to my heavenly Trainer. I voiced to Him my fear of walking tomorrow's 5K alone. I've done a couple other 5K's, but each time my husband has walked with me, I wasn't alone. His presence near me was very comforting and encouraging to keep on. However, this time, I'm on my own, and fear grew as I stepped on the treadmill. Father, give me something to take with me on the journey tomorrow. I can't do this without you. Maybe I shouldn't do it, maybe it'll be too much. And deep in my heart I hear His voice, "Daughter, you're not alone, my angels are bside you to the right, to the left, they're cheering you on!" His words became my new cheer for tomorrow. "I'm not alone, His angels are beside me to the right, to the left, they're cheering me on. I'm not alone, His angels are beside me to the right, to the left, they're cheering me on!" A smile breaks through. Encouraged, another 5 minutes pass and I begin to sense something going on with my left heel. I knew when I put my socks on this morning that there was a small, pea-size hole by my heel, but it's been there before and I had no problems so I thought no more about it...until now. I realize a blister is forming and know I can't stop, so a previous cheer comes to mind: "Satan, no matter what you say, no matter what you DO, no matter how I feel, His grace will see me through. Heaven's gates are open, His strength and power is mine, my heavenly Father is leading me straight to the finish line, because...I'm not alone, His angels are beside me to the right, to the left, they're cheering me on...because it's not about speed, it's about endurance, walking with Jesus, walking with Jesus! I do it for Tyson, I do it for Grace, I'm walking for those who can't run the race. I see them ahead, cheering me on, All glory to God the race has been won! So I look up, look out, and set my eyes on Jesus, I look up, look out, I'm walking with my King! And realize I'm not alone. Ever. 50 minutes have passed and the now nickel-size blister is a factor, but I'm not quitting, no matter what happens, His grace will see me through. That and a good sized bandaid. All glory to God, the race will be run!

The Power of And

1 John 5: 13-15 (AMP, some ( ) taken out) 13 I write this to you who believe in the name of the Son of God, so that you may know [with settled and absolute knowledge] that you [already] have life, yes, eternal life. 14 And this is the confidence which we have in Him: that if we ask anything (make any request) according to His will (in agreement with His own plan), He listens to and hears us. 15 And if (since) we [positively] know that He listens to us in whatever we ask, we also know that we have the requests made of Him. I've always loved verse 14 and 15, probably because it gives me hope. I also know that it's important, in order to get the full understanding of a verse, to read the verses before and after. But I have failed to pay attention to the first word in verse 14 – "and". Verse 14 and 15 are only possible BECAUSE of verse 13. We can have confidence in coming to Him because #1- we believe in the name of the Son of God and #2- because we believe in who Jesus is we have life, yes, eternal life. Whew! I like those last seven words, "we already have life, yes, eternal life." Isn't that a powerful "and"? The confidence comes from the knowing…with settled and absolute knowledge. Knowing that when I surrender to the truth that Jesus really did pay the price for my sin on the cross so that I might have blessed restored fellowship with His Father, and confess to Him that my sin put Him there, ask His forgiveness of that sin, He forgives me, and I become His child with all the rights and privileges of that life. No ifs or buts about it. And it doesn't stop there. Yeah, I know. I surely could stop there, couldn't it? As a believer in Jesus, if I ask any request of Him, and know that is in His will, I have the joy of knowing that He listens to AND hears me. To picture in my mind that the God of the universe, my Creator, cocks His head to listen to my request is so very…well, cool. AND it doesn't stop there. It surely could, couldn't it? Knowing He listens and hears me, I have the freedom and confidence to ask for anything in His will and can be assured He, like the loving Father He is, will grant that request. So I best make that request wisely and in His will. The interesting part about it is that if I make a request that isn't in His will, He won't grant it because it's not best for me, His child. And that's reassuring as well. I can't lose. So why not ask? Father, thank you for sending your Son to die on the cross for me and for forgiving me of my sin. Thank you for making me your precious child and loving me so much that you bend your ear to my voice. Thank you for hearing my requests and helping me to grow in knowledge of your will and purpose for my life. Father, I know that it is your will that my body, this temple you live in, be healthy for the work you planned before my birth to do. So in Jesus' name, I ask you to remove all the excess weight that entangles me and keeps me from fulfilling that purpose. May your life shine from the inside out and draw others to you. Restore their souls, their personalities, the essence of who you created them to be, as you are restoring mine. I love you Lord. I praise you Lord. I bow on my knees to worship you Lord. In Jesus' name I pray, amen.

Gluteous Maximus Hurtimus!

This is the week just before the 5K race and walking that treadmill has gotten tedius. I was time for a change. So Monday I determined to break into a jog after my warm up. The knee screamed, "NO!" I tried to go back to a walk and the muscles around my knee just didn't like even that. Fearful I'd have to stop I got off the treadmill and slowly walked around the gym trying to calm down the muscle. On my second trip around I wound up at the elliptical machine. "Why not?" my Trainer said to me. So I stepped upon the "pedals" and tentatively started moving and realized that the knee didn't mind that. Yesterday, I was on the elliptical machine for 30 minutes and must say I was pretty proud of that. Until later that morning. How deceptive that machine is while it's moving. You think, "Oh, this isn't as hard as I thought and seems easier on the knees than walking. I can do this." At the time, that's true. However, little did I know what other muscles the evil elliptical exercise would affect. Long about 10:00 AM my(should I say it this way?)butt muscles started voicing their objections. "What's going on?" I thought. "Why do my low back and glutes hurt so much?" And then awareness dawned. I worked harder on the elliptical and other muscles also worked harder. Owww!! But, then I thought, this is a good thing. Working muscles should speak up and tell you they're working and if a little ouchness comes with it, all the better. Discipline is a painful thing sometimes; that's why it's called discipline. AND I didn't quit. That's a good thing too. The same held true when I was in the pool this morning and was talking with the Lord. I sang to Him, I prayed for others, I shared my concerns, and got nothing. "Father, you're not talking to me. That's why I come to the pool at 5:00 AM, to talk with you and listen to what you want to tell me. What's up?" He spoke then, "Daughter, I brought your friend into your journey for a reason. I haven't abandoned you, don't you abandon her. So she hasn't been working out with you these past several weeks, go talk to her. She needs to know I love her no matter what is going on in her life." Discipline. It comes in all shapes and sizes, but I know it's there for my good and when I learn from it I grow to be more like my Saviour. That's what this journey is all about, becoming more like Jesus.

It's About Endurance-Put up or Shut up

I know I've written the exercise cheer for the title of this blog in a previous entry, but the Lord brought this truth home to me again through a devotional reading the other night. The scripture is found in Hebrews 12:1 (Amplified version). "Let us strip off and throw aside every encumbrance (unnecessary weight) and that sin which so readily (deftly and cleverly) clings to and entangles us, and let us run with patient endurance and steady and active persistence the appointed course of the race that is set before us." And again the cheer comes to mind, "It's not about speed, it's about endurance; It's not about speed, it's about endurance. Walking with Jesus, Walking with Jesus. Do it for Tyson, do it for Grace, do it for those who can't run the race; Do it for Mary (75 y.o. friend who just had open heart surgery), do it for Grace, do it for those who can't run the race (2nd verse); See them ahead? Cheering you on? All glory to God, the race has been won!"(3rd verse) It's time to put up or shut up and I'm determined to NOT QUIT! I'm determined to throw aside the unnecessary weight(all the pounds, the negative talk, the fear of failure, the "I can't do this" attitude, the "it'll never happen" taunts from Satan)that entangle me, try to trip me and cause me to fall. I WILL keep my eyes on Jesus. I WILL do this 5K and God WILL receve all the glory. I'm determined to share Jesus with every step I take on this journey. I'm determined, as the Lord opens the door, to tell others how He's brought me to this "race", the 5K and the journey to live living! Whether I'm first or last I WILL walk this path of righteousness that He's brought me to. What's next? No clue. But I know He will make the way clear to me and I WILL follow His leading. It'll be hard, it may be painful, it may be the biggest physical challenge I've faced to date, but I WILL go there because it's His will for me and that brings Him glory.

Jehovah Nissi-The Lord brings Victory

The biblical reference to the title of this post is found in Ezekiel 17:15 where God has directed the Israelites to fight the Amalekites and has instructed Moses to stand on a hill overlooking the battle so his people could see him and as long as he held up his arms with the staff of the Lord then the Israelites would have victory in the battle. When his arms were down they would be losing the battle. At one point Moses got tired and put his arms down. Aaron and another leader saw this and brought him a rock to sit on and helped to hold his arms up. That's a spiritual application within itself, but Moses chose to call this place, "Jehovah Nissi", The Lord is my Banner or the Lord brings Victory. I never really understood the phrase "The Lord is my Banner" until my visit to the doctor's office last week. Interesting that He has been telling me, when I'm walking on the treadmill and getting weak and tired and want to stop or quit, to lift my arms to Him and give Him praise. At the time I could hardly breathe and walk, let alone lift my arms, but I did it at his direction. I thought He was just trying to encourage me to keep my focus on Him, and in part I believe He was. But when I read the story of God's instructions to Moses in lifting his arms in the midst of the battle that God had brought him and his people to, the lifting of my own arms took on a whole new meaning. The victory came by God's own hand when I kept my eyes on Jesus, lifted my arms when I was weak and trusted in His unseen work within my body. And greater still was the victory in this current battle when I remembered the verse 1 Samuel 16:7, "But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not look at his appearance or at his physical stature, because I have refused him. For the Lord does not see as man sees; for man looks at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” I know this is probably a duh statement, but when I actually stopped and looked at the evidence and truly thought about it, God is bringing about a greater victory of health, healing and live living within me from the inside out. How amazing is that?! I was bothered that neither I nor others could physically "see" the changes happening to me...until I got the A1C results at the doctor's office and realized what a remarkable victory he is bringing about. He has brought me to this battle with weight loss, diabetes, high cholesterol and blood pressure and is changing my physical body from the inside out, not from the outside in. He's changing my mental/emotional body through that same victory and strengthening my spiritual body by my daily walk with Him and seeing Him work within me. Kinda blows my mind when I stop and truly think about how He is working within me. All He asks me to do is believe He is at work, whether I see it or not, to keep my arms lifted to Him in the midst of this battle and trust that He will bring me all the help I need to gain the victory. His banner, His victory is awesome to behold! He brings to my mind Song of Solomon 2:4 (AMP version) " He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love [for love waved as a protecting and comforting banner over my head when I was near him]." His victory banner is waving all over me, protecting, comforting me and bringing me victory and Him all the honor and glory due Him. Whew! What a RUSH!

Goals

You know, when you think about reaching a goal one normally thinks about running to a finish line or completing a project or getting your weight to a certain number or something that's designed to happen over a period of time. Rarely does one thing about a goal as being achievable immediately, unless of course, the "goal" is set so unbelievably low that it's not really a goal at all. I've got "goals": losing 100 lbs, getting off diabetic/high blood pressure meds, and maybe even eventually running a marathon (now THAT's a big goal!). This morning I read a verse that set me to re-examining the word "goal". 1 Timothy 4b-5 (NIV) reads: "...advancing God’s work—which is by faith. The goal of this command is love, which comes from a pure heart and a good conscience and a sincere faith." For the believer and follower of Jesus Christ, the goal as we advance God's work through faith is love. It's not to weigh a certain number, look a certain way, memorize a lot of scriptures so you sound "spiritual" or even refusing to use swear language. All these things are good and part of the believer's overall being, but according to God's Word our "goal" is LOVE; pure, right and sincere. towards God and towards others. I love that my diabetic numbers are nearing normal and that my body is internally getting healthy and my thoughts are positive, healthy and looking heavenward. I love that as I walk this journey to fully live living others are watching and seeking and examining their relationship with the Lord, but is that my GOAL? Or is my goal, as I faithfully continue to advance God's work, love? Kinda, sorta makes one ponder that truth, doesn't it? Love, what an interesting concept, what an even more attainable goal, right here, right now.

Working out is Working OUT!

The 5K is just a little over a week away, so I thought it would be a good idea to go for my quarterly diabetic check-up at my doctor's office (I'm late by about 2 1/2 months). The appointment was made for a couple days ago and obediently I drove to the office. When going to this type of appointment the first thing they do, after the weigh in, is take blood from your finger for a test called an A1C. If you don't know, this test determines your blood glucose levels over the previous 3 months. It's a pretty big deal to a diabetic. A1C levels are determined thusly: Daily blood glucose # 4-6% = considered non-diabetic 68-126 .1-7% = considered in control 127-155 7.1-8.4% = monitor closely 156-195 8.5-10.4% = elevated levels 196-252 10.5 % or higher = seriously elevated levels 253 or higher The higher the number/level the more one is prone to a stroke or death, so monitoring these "numbers" is crucial, not to mention a very good idea. The last time I had my A1C level checked was in October 2014 and it was at 8.6. This time, on March 31st, 2015 my A1C level was...wait...wait...hold your breath...it's coming...it's coming... 5.6 Woo HOO!!! Dance of Joy!!! Woo Hoo!!! Do the fist bump in the air!!!!!! The doctor also told me that my blood pressure was 98 over 56 and I could decrease one of my bp meds by half. The goal is to get off the meds completely, but I'll take decreasing a med...for now. When I asked her if I could think about discontinuing the diabetic meds she said she wanted to wait and see how I did at my next check up; that'll be the end of July. One of the reasons I am so excited about this is because since January (this year) I've been on that treadmill 5 days a week and the past 3 weeks I've been able to walk the 5K each Saturday. For me this is a serious work out regime and the "numbers" show that it is truly working and paying off big time. You can't fake those numbers. I've only lost 5 lbs since then but big whopping deal! My body is getting healthy! My cholesterol numbers are way down as well; not below 200 (normal) but 213. All these numbers will decrease as I continue to eat healthy, exercise and keep walking with my Lord. It's working! Thank you Jesus! Thank you Jesus!!!