Stones vs. Peace

It's been a rough week. I should have expected attacks from the enemy considering the decision my husband and I made last week, and began to put into practice, to obey God's command and fully tithe to our church. We gave each week prior to that, but knew that just giving half-heartedly wasn't fully obedient to our Father's will. So this past Sunday we stepped up and gave a full tithe. I don't share this to get a pat on the back, quite the contrary, I share this information to set the stage as one of the reasons it's been a tough week mentally. Mother's Day has always been difficult for me as well. My mother and father abandoned me and my 2 brothers when I was 2, they were 4 and 5, and to honor her on this day is tough. We've somewhat mended our fences, but the pain is still lurking in my heart. I'm just sayin'. And then we got home from church and not a word was said to me from my son about Mother's Day, and I had a disagreement with my husband, and the day just fell apart from there. Not monumental, but was enough to throw me into a self-centered conundrum. One of the worst things you can do when there's a "disagreement" is to say nothing and go to bed that way. Confrontation is tough, but it also brings quicker healing. Alas, I chose to be silent, thinking I would take it to the Lord the next day and did so. He reminded me that the same issues I was upset about, I, too, had been guilty of and shouldn't be throwing stones expecting peace. Yesterday morning when going to exercise I chose instead to go into the pool room and pour out my heart to the Lord, basically I had a melt down. I'm 57 years old and still it hurts to know that my mother and father didn't want me. "Why didn't they love us enough to seek Jesus? Why didn't they love us enough to work it out? Our lives could have been so much richer had they dealt with their problems through the Lord! Why, Father? Why?" This morning I went to the pool, again seeking peace from my heavenly Father. Unfortunately, although I went through the motions of exercising in the pool my heart wasn't in it and depression settled in. Doom and gloom shrouded my heart and I knew Satan was enjoying every minute of my despair. I wanted the Lord to wave His magic wand and walk to me on the pool's surface and take away all my pain, leaving me with a supernatural high that I could brag about to others. Strangely enough, He didn't do that. What He did gently tell me was that I needed to practice thankfulness, to tell Him all the reasons I had to be thankful to Him. Although when I started to do that I didn't "feel" thankful, the more I spoke about it, the calmer became my heart and the depression lifted from shoulders. I just read part of a "Girlfriends in God" devotional by Gwen Smith entitled, "When Your Heart Needs Healing." These words really touched my heart, "...this is one of the biggest challenges we face. Having a heart fixed on healing. To press through to a place of wellness and strength: spiritually, emotionally, and psychologically. To not back down from the resistance before us in light of the rewards that await us. To run the race of faith well!" Healing. Oh God, thank you for your healing in my life. In Jesus' name I forgive my mother and father, I forgive my son, I forgive my husband, I forgive those who've hurt my child's heart. Thank you for forgiving me the hurt and pain I've caused you, I've caused others. Thank you for your mercy and grace. Thank you for your great love, thank you for the confirmation you give me in i Peter 4:8 that tells me, "Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins." Thank you for taking my stones of pain and giving me your Living Water of peace.